Thursday, November 25, 2010

Thanksgiving Day Blessing to Rosy

I sit here today Thanksgivings Day and want to talk about a friend of mine. I have been so lucky to have been blessed with so many over the years and would like to bless all of my friends and family because you are all loved but today I would like bring one special woman to the front.

A few posts back I made mention to a saying............

People come into your lives for a reason, a season or a lifetime.........

So where would Rosy come in?

When I first meet Rose It was a reason. I wanted a Job and she was the boss. No brainier!

Between Rose and Pete I was hired but I worked for Pete not Rose so she and I didn't really become friends per say. Rose always had a G'day in passing always had a cheery smile on her face and always had something positive to pass along.

Rose left the company and so there it was she was just a season. I missed Rose of course, we all did but she was a reason and a season..... so I though.

Social Networking the way of the future.......The way life is.......Or like the Maine slogan......The Way Life Should Be............what ever it is, social networking is here and I for one really like it.

Facebook, Twitter, Phone Texting what ever it is to stay connected, find lost friends, I LOVE IT. Throw in the added bonus of Farmville and well you just found a pig in shit here people hehehe (more on Farmvill in a later post I promise LOL)

Rosy and I found each other and so begins the lifetime..............

Rosy the postive one. If the world were upside down (well it is to her, she is from Australia) she will only see good, She will not allow herself to see evil. That would only get in her way of having a wonderful G'day and damn if that wouldnt piss her off and Rosy wont allow anyone to control who she is but Rosy!

See Rosy has taught me that it's you Beth who has control over you! Now of course I know this but along the way I sort of forgot it and to be honest since I havent been working and being told I have epilepsy things have been somewhat hard, OK OK really hard I can and do get into real slumps and have full blown Rock and Roll pity partys for myself and need to stop.

 I swear just when I think I have leaned a little to far over the edge Rosy pops up with her G'day Beth and I just have to laugh and say Hello Rosy back.

Rosy, You started off as a reason, you became what I though was a season and now my friend you are a lifetime. I love you and today Thanksgiving Day I give thanks to the day you intimidated the HELL out of me and hired me and became my friend. You have been the one who has reminded me that I am still the strong woman I was the day you hired me. You have not for one second let me forgot I still can do what I put my mind to do. You have not let it slip my mind that I was once the president of my own successful company and can do that again. You picked me up, brush me off, yes kicked me in my ass and sent me out there again to face the world.

 This Day and allot of this blog in fact is a tribut to you Rosy because years ago I used to write. People who know me well knew one of my passions was writting, Know I have a story published in a book and know that after my mom died I gave up writting because it was she who was my biggest fan and it became to painful to write again. But today Rosy its you and your postive words to me telling me I can do what I want to do. I can do anything I want to do. So here I sit and write and thank God for meeting my friend Rosy and for him giving me a lifetime of friendship with you.

Thank you Rosy for being more then a reason and a season.............I love you xoxoxo

Wednesday, November 24, 2010

My New Hand Tooled Belt...The brite side of Epilepsy

I have wanted for such a long time a hand tooled belt. Why I wonder? Was it because of my love of horses and the workmanship I always saw on hand tooled saddles? The detail a person so painstakingly carved into the leather to give that saddle a life of its own. Was it the stories my grandfather told me about the west and how the cowboys carved those saddles? I don't know but what I did know was when I did have a horse of my own and wanted that hand tooled saddle and I knew it was out of my price range. I knew it was something I could only dream of. So I guess having a hand tooled belt was the next best thing.

Living in Maine let me tell you your not going to find a hand tooled belt so off to the back burner that went...........................

Until that is your sister Pam 3 and 1/2 years ago invites you to come to Oklahoma to visit her and see the real west! Sister Pam is a traveling gypsy. Not that she is a real gypsy no, She works for FEMA and when disaster hits Pam packs and goes and if the time is right little sister Beth gets to visit and this was a trip I got to visit and took Sarah with me.

We had planned on going to a big horse race but because of weather conditions we were advised not to go so what were three girls going to do in Oklahoma? Well shop of course silly. Pam wanting "real" cowboy boots and Sarah and I just tagging along for the sheer thrill of the whole cowboy shopping experience was just fun so off we go.

In and out all day long "how many boot stores can there be in Oklahoma City" I asked Pam?  "Oh about 50 or so" "WHAT are you kidding" NOPE she says and she was not, Never in my life have I seen so many boot stores.

The last store we were in Pam found her boots (silly of course it was the last store because we got to stop we found the boots DUH!!) but as I was standing watching her admire her boots I saw out of the corner of my eye  something that sparked a memory...............................

What was that I saw? I decided to take a look and as I walked closer my heart jumped a few beats, my eyes started to sparkle, my hands started to shake. There it was. My hand tooled belt. It was hanging on a rack with other belts but it was all alone by itself in my eyes for that is all I saw, MY BELT. I took it off and felt the tooling. I ran my hands over the workmen ship of the artist. I was in aww of the beauty before my eyes. Yes it was my belt for sure. It took me how long but I had found you my beloved belt!

I wrapped it around my waist knowing how great it would feel to meet the two ends as one........to meet the two ends as one...........I SAID TO MEET THE TWO ENDS AS ONE DAMN IT!!! come on it has to fit I came all the way to Oklahoma and found you, wait is there another one? excuse me Sir do you have a size larger? THIS IS THE LAST ONE IN STOCK, no, no please look again sir, I'm from Maine.........MAINE we don't have Hand Tooled Belts in Maine we have Lobsters and Bears and Blueberries we don't have Hand Tooled Belts PLEASEEEE look again? Sorry Ma'am in his long drawl this is the only belt left. My heart sank, What was I going to do now?

Well there was only one thing I could do, I came this far and I had no choice. I bought my Hand Tooled belt I had dreamed of owning since my days of sitting on my grandfathers lap hearing about the West and even though it took me over three years to do it, I did do it! I lost the weight (Topiramate is a killer on you appetite) and today the two ends meet as one and I wore my brand new three and a half year old HAND TOOLED BELT!!!!!


Will my MUG be a Wort if I eat it?

Mugwort.......WHAT THE HELL IS MUGWORT AND THE KID WANTS ME TO DO WHAT WITH IT!

Star wants me to look at alternative's to modern medicines for seizures and she says mugwort is a known herb to stopping seizures? Star does not want me in the hospital for 5 days inducing a seizure! OH SHE DOES NOT!!

Here we go again Google don't let me down because I don't want that stupid Bart Simpson comic flashing before my eyes again because I am about to open my mouth and ask a stupid question.

"The Chinese have made use of herbs in order to provide effective treatment for seizures. This practice has been prevailing in China for thousands of years and is today becoming popular around the globe. There is a certain group of herbs that has been singled out as being beneficial for the treatment of seizures."

So the Kid is on to something but do I really want to take Stars advice? I means shes only 21 and all. She is the smartest 21 year old I know! (Don't tell her I told you that she may just hold that over my head and with the head I have right now that could be really easy!!) She has for the past few years studied herbs so she does know somewhat about what she is talking about.

A few years ago I hurt my back and Star made her father drive her someplace so she could pick me horsetail. Now at the time we had horses so why drive when you could walk to the pasture I asked her? She looked at me with a "MOM" look and said "Dad lets go" She picked on the side of the road a herb called horsetail came home and brewed me a tea I was sort of horrified to drink to be honest but put my "Mom" face on and drank. It was so bitter so she added raw honey and not my honey in the cute little bear container either. It tasted allot better and by the last sip my back really did feel better. It was then I knew my little heath nut Star baby was on to something!

But will I take her advice? I don't know. I do know that mugwort is not studied like modern median is. I do know that IF I do spend 5 days in the hospital trying to figure out where in my brain the seizures are coming from which is why this whole conversation of Mugwort came to be with Star I will have a better understanding of my epilepsy which is what I need for myself.

 I know my daughter cares. I know she loves me. I know she would not have been so mad at me yesterday if she had not cared. Who gets mad at the neighbors at what they are taking for meds right? She is concerned about her mother and I know that, I'm not stupid (SHUT UP STEVE).

Star I love you the Muchest! But I need to know why at age 50 my brain has started to rob me of my life.

ps, Star mugwort is an amazing herb and yes I am still looking into it!!

Monday, November 22, 2010

Thank you Shirl..................... :)

I just got this in my e-mail. How does this woman know when I need her. I LOVE YOU!!!!!

Women have strengths that amaze men.....
They bear hardships and they carry burdens,
but they hold happiness, love and joy.
They smile when they want to scream.
They sing when they want to cry.
They cry when they are happy
and laugh when they are nervous.
They fight for what they believe in..
They stand up to injustice.
They don't take "no" for an answer
when they believe there is a better solution.
They go without so their family can have.
They go to the doctor with a frightened friend.
They love unconditionally.
They cry when their children excel
and cheer when their friends get awards.
They are happy when they hear about
a birth or a wedding.
Their hearts break when a friend dies.
They grieve at the loss of a family member,
yet they are strong when they
think there is no strength left.
They know that a hug and a kiss
can heal a broken heart.
Women come in all shapes, sizes and colors.
They'll drive, fly, walk, run or e-mail you
to show how much they care about you.
The heart of a woman is what
makes the world keep turning.
They bring joy, hope and love.
They have compassion and ideas.
They give moral support to their
family and friends.
Women have vital things to say
and everything to give.
HOWEVER, IF THERE IS ONE FLAW IN WOMEN,
IT IS THAT THEY FORGET THEIR WORTH.

Good Bye Mr Scary Dr Monster....Hello Mrs Scary Dr Monster

There comes a time when you have to part ways with a Dr and move on to a new and more specialized Dr. My time came today. I had to say goodbye to Mr Scary Dr Monster and Hello to Mrs Scary Dr Monster.

I will miss Dr K I so loved his sense of humor, his shit eating grin, his pain in the ass side marks. But I know he is not a Dr who specializes in Epilepsy and I need that now.

Today I meet Dr H and NO she was not really Mrs Scary Dr Monster but again any Dr that you have to sit face to face with and look at and tell you why they DON'T know why you are having seizures is scary! And today I have to admit was by far other then being admitted into Baystate July 4 2009 was the scariest sit down I have had to date :(

Good news is I now have a Dr who specializes in epilepsy YEAH!!!!! Bad news is we have to do allot of the tests over because I need a Dr that knows how to read them looking for things we people with epilepsy have that may differ from other people BOOOOO.......AND......I have to do even more tests and one of those tests is the one you have to wear that foolish wire thing on your head for 40-60 hours at home....

Lets look at the good news in that shall we......."IF" Dr H can find anything different or new on this new sleep deprived EEG and the 40-60 hour dohickythingamig I will be wearing at home then............then...........cross your fingers PLEASE................ I wont have to spend 5 days in the hospital off my meds with a staff of I am sure very nice people tying to induce a seizure in me.

I must of had a look of horror on my face because after a few seconds of her telling me this she said well lets try these things 1st and came up with the sleep deprived EEG and the home EEG. Oh my heart sunk in my foot because I never in a million billion zillion years expected a hospital stay!!!!!

Talking to Gary about it I of course came up with 100 great reasons why I cant be gone from home for 5 days. He of course came up with a rebuttal for everyone. When it came to my dogs he said they would be dancing in the streets with me being gone and I swear they heard him and both jumped up and started running circles in the living room as if on clue that Mom was going away the little shits!! I did laugh because it was in fact really funny LOL.

So keep your fingers crossed please and anything thing else you feel you can cross because I really dont like the idea of having to spend 5 days in a hospital to induce a seizure. Oh no not liking that at all!!

.....THANKFUL YES THANKFUL.....

With all this pity going on in these last few posts I need to stand up straight and tell you all that I am thankful YES,

Thankful for what I do have because I do have wonderful friends and some family left who do care about my well being. I do have a roof over my head and the cutest puppy and chocolate lab ever (Thank you cousin Mary for having to work far away and trusting me with Jesse Dog Oh we so love him!) And some nice friendly cats I love cats by the way.

I'm thankful for my insurance card, Its blue and white and I have never seen it as much as I have in these last few months. I know that there are so many people who don't have one!

I'm thankful for sunny days and rainy days and even cold days. OK its hard to be as Thankful for cold days because those cost me BUT I'M THANKFUL!!!

I'm Thankful Gary is now back to working overtime YEAH!!!!

I'm Thankful I found the best recipe online for homemade bread Oh my gosh is it yummy :) If anyone wants the recipe let me know? or if anyone had a yummy one they want to share please do!

And I do know that even when I do have a complete melt down like I did the other day I know that there is always someone around to lend me a helping hand or a paw and help me get up, brush myself off and go throw a ball because the sun is going to shine and and if I sit on the floor in self pity I might miss it!

 I AM SO VERY THANKFUL AND I MEAN THAT!!
                                    XOXOXOXO

Sunday, November 21, 2010

The Receiving End

I have been at the giving end. One year my friend and I took on an entire children's home. Oh we had so much fun. We had a list from the nuns, We had a warehouse of men who were throwing us money (I am not even kidding you either) they all wanted to help when they heard what we were doing and Debbie and I went out and we got every single gift on that list. We wrapped it with love and delivered it with hearts filled with Christmas cheer.

I have to say other then the Christmas's I have had with my own kids that was one of my favorites of all time.

This past week I was chatting on the phone with my friend and she said in very casual conversation oh I put you on the list at work to be considered for a Christmas wish or something like that she said. I said "What is that" She said "We do it every year for a family in need, the ....... puts a bunch of family's in need names and their stories together and decides who they will pick and sponsor this year for Christmas I put you in" Oh thank you I said. I then said "Well if I don't get it its sad to think there will be a family worse off then us" we went on chatting and after I got off the phone I lost it.

(CAUTION THIS PART INCLUDES FOUL LANGUAGE. I DECIDED NOT TO REMOVE IT AS IT WAS HOW I FELT AND THIS IS A JOURNEY AFTERALL)

 I fell to the floor and cried like I had not cried since the day my mom died in 2001. I cried for myself. I cried for my kids. I cried for my husband. I cried because I was so fucking mad at my brain. I wanted to ripped my head off my shoulders and throw it  under the next fucking truck that drove by. I wanted to yell at that woman who said I didn't look like I had epilepsy because I bet if she saw me now she would change her mind. Happy now fucking lady. DO I LOOK LIKE A FUCKING LUNATIC NOW  LADY BECAUSE THIS IS WHAT EPILEPSY LOOKS LIKE AND HAS DONE TO MY FAMILY.

I layed there as my dogs Jesse and Rigby looked at me and tried to figure out what was wrong. They both knew I didnt have a seizure and even came over with a ball Jesse did hoping he could get me to look at the happy side of life. It worked thank you Jesse Dog and as I picked myself up off the floor and opened the door to play ball I saw the sun shinning I realized I needed to be thankful I had a friend who cared about me enought to put my name in.

Update.....................I asked my friend to withdraw our name. I know my $$ will get better and it has and I didnt want to take away thing from any child needing a Merry Christmas